Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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