she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
