Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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