Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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