Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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