I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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