So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
