Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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