If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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