I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
