somebody snuck up and got me drunk
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
