dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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