Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
