Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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