oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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