Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
