I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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