with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
