i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
