well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
