oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
