If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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