He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize