We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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