oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
