you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
