things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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