great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
