I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
