He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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