Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize