I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
