why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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