And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Someone came in the potted fern
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
