Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
