I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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