I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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