This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
