Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
