eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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