my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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