sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My penis needs a shock collar
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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