Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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