I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
