How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
