It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
bring money and cleavage
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
