i already hear my dad disowning me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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