Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
