used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
