Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
