Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
be right there i have to get my cape
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
