how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
