Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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