So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
