How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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