I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
time to smoke my breakfast
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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