I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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