Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
