I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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