you guys were way drunker than both of me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize