Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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