I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
