I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
