He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize