Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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