the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
