I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
