well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
