I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
