finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
