So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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