hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
