you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
