...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
