Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
