I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
