Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
