So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
