I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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