And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
