why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
