Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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