She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
