she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
