just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
