He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
