he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
